Crushed Spirit

Being one of those people who wears your feelings on your sleeve is probably the worst. That is me. I wear all my feelings right there…sitting on my shoulder. I take things personal and I try hard to please the people in my life, especially the family members in my life. I feel that I have spent so many years trying to measure up to my siblings. I always wanted my parents approval and to be loved for just being me. It’s hard to realize that you will never measure up or be “the right way” to be approved for being you.

I was asked if I am ever happy. Hard question. I mean spending so much time being that person to try and please everyone else is very hard work. You spend so much time doing for everyone that you loose yourself somewhere along the way. That happened…I lost myself. I have worked to have a good job, a nice house, and a marriage that is growing daily. Having those things does not always mean you know yourself or where you fit. Being lost in life is a mouthful to swallow, and when your family is where you got lost, it crushes the spirit you built.

What’s next? Try to move forward, try to go through the next day, next week and put some life pieces back together while changing the desire to be the people pleaser. I guess moving forward now means that I have to stop trying to get approval from my family and just be myself- faults and all. It’s time to love life again, to smile and feel good about that too.

Family is hard, probably the hardest. You want the most and get the least. Be okay with that. Be okay with just being you.

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